G          F#      Am  D  
My father cut his toe off 
G       F#    Am    D 
In a rotary lawn mower 
G                     D        Em 
And my mother burst a blood vessel 
Am                              D 
When my younger brother went to jail 

G                    D  Em  
So I told her not to worry 
Am                       D 
Not to get in such a flurry 
G                      D   Em                    
We're just an ordinary family 
Am             D    G C G 
With the usual calamity 

G           F#     Am      D 
When I was just a virgin lad 
G         F#       Am D   
My mother faked a suicide 
G                      D         Em 
Because she found the tell-tale sign 
Am                   D 
Of puberty upon the sheets 
G                    D Em 
So I told her not to worry 
Am                       D   
Not to get in such a flurry 
G              G       D  Em 
We're just an ordinary family 
Am             D    G C G 
With the usual calamity 

C                D        G C G 
We always try to look our best 
C                    D      G C G 
We always take care when we dress 
C         F#          Em  G 
We always wear clean underwear 
C                       Am 
In case we're in an accident 

D                            D 
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, true 
True, true, true, true, true, true, true, true 

G        F#     Am      D 
When I become a married man 
G              F#    Am  D 
With children of my very own 
G              D          Em 
Will I lay my inhibitions on 
Am                        D 
And criticise their sexuality? 
G                  D       Em 
Will I use them to protect respect? 
Am                               D 
Will I try to own them flesh and bone? 
G                  D      Em  
Or will I be their equal friend 
Am                     D 
Encouraging their new ideas? 

G                      D          Em 
For the future lies within their hands 
Am                             D 
And the salvation of all these lands 

G                 D  Em 
Yes, the ordinary family 
Am                        G    D 
Is the only way to set us freeeeee 
C      D     G          D 
Set us free, set us freeeeee 
C      D      G          D 
Set us free, set us freeeeeee 
C      D      G      
Set us free, set us free