Song: I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks  

INTRO: 
    
   {spoken:} 
   If your ass is a Chinese restaurant I'll have the poo-poo platter 
    
    
   VERSE 1: 
    
   Bb5 A5               B5                       C#5             E5 B5 
        My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec. class 
 
   A5                          B5                          C#5 
   Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass 
 
   B5  A5                     B5                        E5 
         I said guys I'm like you I like Monster Trucks too 
 
                 Eb5  C#5            A5 
   Wanna see how many push-ups I can do? 
 
                     B5 {stop} 
   I just wish I was queer so I could get 
    
    
    
    
   
[Refrão]
E5 
   Chicks dig guys that are 
 
   B5 
   Queer guys that don't dig 
 
   E5                              B5 
   Chicks that don't dig guys like me 
 
                               A5 
   See I'm not queer I'm too ugly 
    
    
   VERSE 2: 
    
   A5            B5                        C#5                E5 B5 
   But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be 
 
       A5                            B5                              C#5 
   Incognito as a gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo phony 
 
   B5  A5                         B5                   E5 
       Maybe it's a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity 
 
                  Eb5  C#5                    A5 
   But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry 
 
                  B5                   C#5 
   Scoring with a super model would be easy 
    
    
   VERSE 3: 
    
                A5                          B5 
   Cause 'super model' means voluptuous but also is synonomous with 
 
     C#5          E5 B5 
    'super dumb' 
 
              A5                          B5 
   Ya see I'd be a good listener so she'd treat me like a sister and 
   C#5               B5 
   soon I'd become 
 
   A5                          B5                                      E5 
      That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair 
 
                  Eb5  C#5                         A5 
   No it wouldn't be a week before I'm in her underwear 
 
                B5 {stop} 
   I wish I was queer so I could get 
    
    
    
    
   
[Refrão]
E5 
   Chicks dig guys that are 
 
   B5 
   Queer guys that don't dig 
 
   E5                              B5 
   Chicks that don't dig guys like me 
 
                               A5 
   See I'm not queer I'm too ugly 
    
    
   VERSE 4: {play like Verse 3} 
    
    
   BRIDGE: 
    
   E5        C#5         C#5 B5 A5       Bb5 B5       B5 A5 C#5 Eb5 
   Chicks 
   E5        C#5         C#5 B5 A5       Bb5 B5       B5 A5 C#5 Eb5 
    
    
   VERSE 5: {play like Verse 3} 
    
    
   OUTRO: 
    
   C#5 
   Chicks dig guys that are 
 
   B5 
   Queer guys that don't dig 
 
   C#5 
   Chicks dig guys that are 
 
   E5         B5 
   Queer guys that don't dig 
 
   C#5 
   Chicks dig guys that are 
 
   B5 
   Queer guys that don't dig 
 
   C#5                             E5 
   Chicks that don't dig guys like me 
 
               B5              C#5 
   See I'm not queer I'm too ugly 
 
         B5 
   And I don't shave my heiny 
 
   C#5 
   Don't shave my heiny 
 
   E5            B5              C#5 
     See I'm not queer I'm too ugly 
 
         B5 
   And I don't shave my heiny 
 
   C#5 
   Don't shave my heiny 
 
   E5            B5              C#5 
     See I'm not queer I'm too ugly 
 
         B5 
   And I don't shave my heiny 
 
   C#5 
   Don't shave my heiny 
 
   E5            B5             C#5 
     See I'm not queer I'm too ugly