D                          G              D            G 
My show is a little bit silly and a little bit pretentious 
       D                     G          Bm9                   A 
Like Shakespeare's willy or Noam Chomsky wearing a strap on, 
     D                       G             D          G 
It's also a little bit gay and a little offensive, 
       D                    G         Bm9                   A 
Like Thanksgiving Day or Noam Chomsky wearing a strap on, 
                   D                     G 
So put your cell phones to vibrate, 
                    Bm9             A 
And put your vibrators to cell phone mode, 
D                                   G                             Bm9 
Welcome to the show it goes a little bit like this, 
           A 
JOKE... (laugh)... exactly. 
D                                 G                              Bm9 
Welcome to my flow it flows a little bit like this, 
           A 
With a rap a dist and a, 
D                       G            
Swift rap on the wrist a wrap and a kiss, 
Bm9                                  A 
Like Hershey's wrapping a kiss shit. 
D                            G 
I got a show that'll test ya kids, 
         Bm9                                A 
Then ask one question and the question is, 
           D                                                                G 
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? 
                                                       A 
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? Funny? F-funny? 
       D                      G             Bm9         A 
Oh, Humor is often linked to shared experience, 
          D                        
Like a guy gets up and says, 
                G                                                  Bm9                     A 
"have you noticed that public restrooms have really inefficient hand dryers, 
           D              G                   Bm9 
Oh my god, yes I have, HA HA HA, 
                   A                        D 
Really good point, they should fix that, 
     G                            Bm9                   A 
Its good to know that somebody finally gets me, 
                   D                                           G 
because my wife divorced me which Sub-Consciously forced me, 
    Bm9                   A 
to lose all sense of self. 
         D                            G                         Bm9                    A  
So its nice to think about hand dryers and not that cheating whore, 
             D                              G                     Bm9     A 
Because stand up comedy is actually pretty easy, 
                  D                        G 
If you're an asian comic just get up and say, 
                                Bm9                    A 
"My mothers got the weirdest fucking accent" 
               D                   G                                        Bm9                A 
then just do, a chinese accent, because everybody laughs at the chinese accent, 
                     D                                        G 
Because they privately thought that your people were laughable, 
                         Bm9                                 A 
And now you've given them the chance to express that in public, 
                D                             G                      Bm9               A 
If you're a musical comic, just give 'em a little weird voice inflection 
         D                          G                      Bm9       stop 
Then take a Viagra and slap 'em with a rock hard      misdirection 
           D                                                                G 
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? 
                                                       A 
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? Funny? F-funny? 
stop 
TOURETTE'S! 
           D                                                                G 
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? 
                                                       A 
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? Funny? F-funny? And the audience says 
                     D                    G                                        Bm9    A 
When I was a baby, maybe I laughed at people jiggling keys, 
             D 
Now I'm older and bolder, 
                    G                                         Bm9             A 
And just get mad 'cause i notice that the keys are to a Hummer, 
              D                            G 
Fuck my life I don't fuck my wife, 
                  Bm9                    A 
so fuck my wife and fuck my life, 
                      D                             G 
and my son is gay, but not sitcom gay, 
                         Bm9                                    A 
My daughter's a whore like another girl who used to be her mother, 
            D                                     G 
But the marriage made her miss merry americana, 
Bm9                          A 
I want a teen without screaming prima-donna, 
            D                        G                       Bm9     A 
But the radical feminists made my wife a man, 
            D                    G                        Bm9           A 
And if I die happy the situation will be autoerotic asphyxiation, 
D              G                            Bm9   A      
I hate my life and it hates me back,  
                          D 
and my friend is black,  
      G                               Bm9           A 
but I don't know what to call him, so I just call him... 
D           G              Bm9 
"Yo whatup Jamaal?",  
stop                                      A 
Even though his name is Steve, 
  D                                       G 
I Hate my job I hate my life, hate my kids I hate my wife, 
Bm9                                A 
Jews would know I do it; Judas beat me to it, 
D                                     G               Bm9   A 
I'm slowly slipping into a solipsistic coma, 
A              just strum angrily a bunch of times 
And I masturbate because I'm the only one who's standards are low enough to fuck me.... 

..... 
           D                                                                G 
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? 
                                                       A 
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? Funny? F-funny? 
stop 
*pop* It's a boy! 
           D                                                                G 
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? 
                                                       A 
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? Funny? F-funny? 
                D    A D 
Hopefully this