Bb                                      Dm 
When I need you you’re only ever twenty-eight away with a tailwind 
Eb               Ebm                  Bb 
I’m on Shimano Ultegra now, ain’t you heard? 
                                     Dm 
Through the trauma Jemma Guntrip has failed as a friend 
Eb            Ebm          Bb 
Venezuela, Australia, then me. 
F             G#           C#    F#       B         E 
But when it’s too late for drunks and too early for milkmen 
D                                G# 
Give me the moonlight, give me a spade. 
F#                          B                     C# 
I’ve got soil on my fingers; I’ve got worms in my shoes, 
F#                         B                   C# 
The stench of death lingers when I lie next to you, 
            F# 
I’ve been allowed about an hour to comprehend  
       B                         C# 
That I simply can’t walk out the door 
            F#                               B                    D 
They’ve got rules by which I must abide; regulations to keep me secure. 
Bb                                Dm 
With a help chute and a carbon monoxide alarm 
Eb                      Ebm           Bb 
We would still have our Thursday afternoons 
                             Dm 
Consolation in the form of a halogen lamp 
Eb           Ebm                 Bb 
Dark was the night, cold was the ground. 
F               G#         C#  F#       B             E 
When you’ve got nothing to lose you get worms in your shoes 
D                  E              G# 
You get the subterranean lovesick blues. 
F#                        C#  B                    F# 
I’m still your number one fan; I’m your Betterware man 
                          C#  B                    F# 
I’m still your number one fan; I’m your Betterware man 
                          C#  B                    D    F#  D  F# 
I’m still your number one fan; I’m your Betterware man.