C#m7                           Amaj7 
I thought it was a joke when you called me up 
   Bbdim 
And said you needed ironing 
           A                      Bbdim 
There were creases in your facial lining 
          F/C           F/D            F/E          F/D 
Won't you have a little rest when they turn out the lights 
  F/C         F/D               F/E       F/D 
A nice cup of tea and you'll be feeling alright 
      F/C            Bb    C          Bb 
Don't fret, you'll recover yet you'll see 
                         C                 F 
So keep on sending dirty postcards back to me 
C    E  F       C    E  F 
Back to me,     back to me 

  C#m7                           Amaj7 
I thought it was a lark when you phoned my dad 
    Bbdim 
And told him that you'd have to catch the measles 
       A                                   Bbdim 
You're flesh was being ripped to shreds by weasels 
          F/C           F/D            F/E          F/D 
Won't you have a little rest when they turn out the lights 
  F/C         F/D               F/E       F/D    
A nice cup of tea and you'll be feeling alright 
      F/C            Bb    C          Bb 
Don't fret, you'll recover yet you'll see 
                         C                 F  
So keep on sending dirty postcards back to me 
C    E  F        C    E  F 
Back to me,      back to me 
      G              G/F#            G/E         G/D 
T'was on the Norfolk Broads, we were punting one day 
      G              G/F#        G/E G/D 
You received a nasty bump on the he--ead 
           G              G/F#       G/E         G/D 
And you've never been the same since needless to say 
      Gm                 Gm/F      Eb 
How I wish it could have been me instead 
  Gm                 Gm/F       Ebmaj7       Am  Gm 
I wish it could have been me inste-------ead 

Instrumental 
Am7  Gm7  Am7  Gm7  Am7  Gm7 

Am    F/C    G     Am 
pattern repeats  3x 

Am    F/C    G    F G Am Bdim C   Bdim  

  C#m7                            Amaj7 
I thought it was a prank when you wired the Pope 
   Bbdim                    A   
To say you'd a vision of an aardvark 
        Bbdim                           Bdim    C#m7/B  Bbdim 
Who was perpetrating ghastly deeds with Saint Ma--aa----ark 
          F/C           F/D            F/E          F/D 
Won't you have a little rest when they turn out the lights 
  F/C         F/D               F/E       F/D 
A nice cup of tea and you'll be feeling alright 
      F/C            Bb    C          Bb 
Don't fret, you'll recover yet you'll see 
                         C                 Bb 
So keep on sending dirty postcards back to me 
                         C                 Bb 
So keep on sending dirty postcards back to me 
                         C                 F 
So keep on sending dirty postcards back to me 
C    E  F        C    E  F 
Back to me,      back to me